my readers digest versions are never short

so basicallly today like a half hour before i was suposed to leave this guy came in wearing a huge coat with his hood up....our theory is if you acknowledge every single person that comes into the store then they will be more inclined to actually pay for their items as opposed to stealing them becuse they know that we know they are there...so anyways he walks in and i say hi. and then he walks to the last register (im the only one on register by the way..and im rght at the front door) and then walks back up with a giftcard in his hand and asks to buy $250.00 on it. i think its weird because he doesnt seem like someone who can just drop that kind of money. but i say okay...and he writes a check. its not out of a checkbook but its just a single check. then he tilts his wallet towards him in a funny position so i cant see it and writes down his drivers license number....BUT then when hes going to write down his date of birth (Which we dont need but i guess he assumed we did) he writes the month.....then pauses looks at his stinking drivers license and writes the rest!! so obviously you know he has a personal problem when he doesnt know "his" own "birthday. so i asked him if i could see his license to verify everything and big shocker its a fake license. but i cant say anything bc he asked me not to take it out of its cubby in his wallet because its ripping. (Which by the way is not weird...ive heard it a few times before) but anyways you can tell because the colors are a little off and the font is completly different. (my miracle by the way is that ive filled out enough of other peoples credit card apps to have a license memorized) AND his picture looks like a he-she ...its wearing lipgloss and lipliner but the name says Roger, so i guess he/shes living some kind of double life. but anyways blahblbha i cant say anything so i decide to run the check knowing it will get denied. and it does. and he acts shocked. and i just look at him. so he asked me if i could type in the numbers - ii mean, obviously this guy knows his stuff.
so i agree and it gets declined. i should have kept his check but i didnt. and then when he left our Loss Prevention lady called me and asked 4697246 questions. and my other miracle is that i rememberd a few things. not his last name cause he had like 4 written on his cardstock license. but still.
okay the end.